


state of grace

by Heereweare



Category: Andi Mack (TV)
Genre: Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Kinda, Multi, Not Really?, Slow Burn, Work In Progress, soft
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-12
Updated: 2019-02-02
Packaged: 2019-08-22 12:36:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 7,716
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16598060
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Heereweare/pseuds/Heereweare
Summary: Cyrus has lived his entire life taking the safe route; always sticking with what he's done before, never considering the dangerous routes. It isn't until TJ suggests going through the list together that he decides to truly branch out.





	1. the start of something new

As much as Cyrus loved the rest of his friends dearly, he never wanted this day to end. Ever since Buffy and TJ made up in seventh grade, the five of them always hung out in a huge group and Cyrus rarely got to hang out with TJ one on one. That's why this day was so special to him; Jonah was gone at frisbee camp, Buffy was at home sick, and Andi was with her family. It left him and TJ alone, the whole day ahead of him. 

He wasn’t quite sure why he loved spending time alone with the boy, but each time he was able to stuck out predominantly. Over the past four years, they had grown so close that their times together were special. Different. 

So different that they were spending their time debating the best type of muffin.“There is no way blueberry macadamia muffins are better than chocolate chip muffins. Not possible.” Cyrus crossed his arms and raised his eyebrows. If he was being honest, he didn’t quite care about muffins, he just liked to pointlessly argue with TJ. It made his forehead crinkle in a cute way. “Uh, it’s extremely possible, and it's the reality. Blueberry muffins by themselves top chocolate chip muffins, but when you add the macadamia nuts? Boom. best flavor in the world.” 

“I’m sorry TJ, but the nuts make it worse.”

“You did not just say that.”

“I’m afraid I did.” He sat there, shaking his head, a small smile forming. Cyrus grabbed his cup and started to drink, satisfied with the victory. “Cyrus, you really are one of a kind.” 

Long story short, he choked on his water. 

Laughing, TJ took the cup out of his hand and ruffled his hair. “Sorry, sorry, I had to.” Cyrus glared at him, shaking his head. He was about to reply, but suddenly TJ looked like he had an idea. 

“Hey, we should bake muffins later tonight. Both flavors, that way we don’t incite World War three.” Snickering, Cyrus thought it through for a few seconds. He loved the idea, but he couldn’t get over the fact that he’d have to use an oven. “Don’t make fun of me, I know it's insanely stupid for a sixteen year old to be afraid of using an oven, but I can’t. It’s on the list.” 

TJ sat there for a second, surprised. “Its chill, we don’t have to, it was just an idea.” A few minutes passed by, them eating their foods in silence. Cyrus desperately wished he hadn’t mentioned the list again. It had literally been years, and he still wasn’t able to get over it.

“Wait, what is even on the list? I think you sent it to me forever ago but I honestly don’t remember.” He looked down, slightly embarrassed. “Oh, well, there’s water slides, spicy food, kissing-” 

“Kissing? You’re afraid of kissing?” 

“Yes, and for good reason, too! Don’t judge, okay?” Tj shook his head, his smile returning. 

“I know, I know. I just wish I could help you.” Cyrus was completely sure that if he had been drinking he would have choked again. 

“Help me with what exactly?” 

He shrugged, breaking eye contact. “I don't know. I just, don't you ever want to branch out? Live a little?” When he was younger, his first impulse was to stick to the safe option, never even thinking about trying to live an exciting life. But, over time, he grew tired of taking the safe route. Sure, he still did, but he was realizing he could be much more happier if he took some risks. 

“I mean, yeah, I guess I do. I’ve never really pushed myself.” Tj looked him in the eyes again, and he could tell determination was settling inside of him. “How about we go through the things on your list and do them together! I can help you with the things you’re afraid of doing. It'll be fun!”

Cyrus chuckled a little. “What, like kissing? Are you going to give me kissing counseling or something?” TJ burst with laughter. “No, Cy, I’m not going to teach you how to kiss. We can do other things, though. You should come over later, we can bake muffins!”

He stared at him, only half comprehending what he was saying. For his entire life, Cyrus was told that it was okay to be afraid of everything. No one--not his best friends, not his own parents--pushed him to grow until he met TJ. He was always there for him, always helping him to become a better version of himself. First the muffin, then the swingset, and now this. “You’d really do that for me?” 

“Yeah, it’ll be fun! I love hanging out with you, and I love seeing you do things you never thought you could.” Cheeks flushing, he quickly took another drink of water. “Okay, sounds good. Who knows, maybe I can help you with some stuff too.” 

He smiled, eyes crinkling. “Yeah, definitely! Hey, you should send me the list again. I can’t really scroll back to find it.” He immediately shook his head. “Nope, no, that’s not a good idea. It’s embarrassing.” 

“Aw Cyrus, you know I wouldn’t judge you.” 

He smiled at him. Even though he did know this, he would never show him everything on the list. That would mean coming out, and he wasn’t quite ready for that. 

“No, its just that some of the things are personal. And stupid. And things that I can't really do with the help of another person.”

“Okay. You can just send me a list of things you want to do, and we can bake muffins tonight. Come over around six? I’ll order a pizza.” He grinned, already excited. “Yeah, definitely!”

They spent the next hour talking about anything and everything, completely content in their random conversations. After leaving, Cyrus couldn’t help but wonder what made the other want to do this with him. He knew TJ cared about him, but this? He didn’t know if he knew how much it meant to him. Walking home, he daydreamed about his plans for the night, suddenly desperate to do something he’d been terrified of for years.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! This is my first Tyrus fic, and I'm really excited for you guys to read it! I'm going to try to post once a week! Let me know what you thought! Thanks so much to my friends for helping me with ideas!!! Andrea, Rachel, and Hanneh, you're all amazing ahhhh !!! Hanneh, thanks for editing it! My tumblr is @tjthekippen ;)


	2. top of the world

“Why are you so afraid of using the oven, anyway?” TJ looked over at the boy standing next to him, watching him crack an egg into his bowl of ingredients. If someone had told himself that he was spending his Friday night baking with Cyrus Goodman, he probably wouldn’t have believed them. But he found himself thrilled to be baking with him, and he was content with where he was.

“Oh, it's just something that was drilled into me as a kid. My mom would always tell me not to play with the oven, and I kinda took it too literally.” 

“Ah, well, at least you’re not afraid of burning down the house.” 

“That's a side effect that I would rather avoid if possible, but no, that’s not why I haven’t ever baked. If it were, then I’d be afraid of using candles, and who would want to live in a world without candles?” 

TJ couldn’t help but laugh quietly under his breath as the boy rambled on about the wonders of candles. He found himself enjoying Cyrus’s little rants more and more as he got to know the boy, and he quickly realized that he was getting close to being comfortable with giving his own little rants. 

“Okay, so we need to mix the ingredients together.” TJ brought his bowl over to him, careful not to trip and fall. He had been mixing together the dry ingredients, and he knew that if he made a mess, things would go ugly. He set the bowl down and grinned over at the boy. Do you want to pour the ingredients together?” 

“Sure!” Cyrus grabbed the dry ingredients and immediately dumped it into the other bowl, causing it to send a cloud of powder into TJ’s face. He immediately closed his eyes and yelled out, worried that his eyes would start burning. “Cyrus, really?” 

The other boy was hysterical. Wiping his eyes off, he watched as he cracked up, taking pleasure in his misfortune. “Tj, that was actually amazing! Definitely worth it.” 

“Worth what exactly?” Cyrus gulped, took a step back, and grabbed a whisk. “Don’t you dare attack me, but I might have done this on purpose.” 

“You did not.” 

 

“Yeah… I did.” Grabbing a small handful of flour, he started to walk towards him, but he ran around the island. “You are not going to get that stuff all over me TJ.” 

“Don’t tell me what to do! You’re the one that started it!” He quickly ran around the island and ruffled the flour into his hair. “Look, we match!” they both burst out in laughter, unable to keep it in. “We have to take a selfie, hold on.” Cyrus grabbed his phone, went to the camera, and took a picture quickly of him.

“What the heck, dude! I wasn’t ready!” 

“Yeah, I know, and that’s why this picture is so great!” 

“Let’s just take the selfie.” They got closer together, made sure the camera could see their powdered hair, and cracked the biggest grins they had in a while. Looking at it, TJ decided it was a momentous photo. TJ grinned at him. “You have to send that to me, it’s absolutely fantastic.” 

“I definitely will. We should probably finish making the cupcakes, though.” 

“Oh, we’re going to have to start over. We lost way too much power to continue, the proportions of ingredients are all messed up.” Cyrus blinked slowly at him, obviously frustrated. “Are you kidding?” 

“Nope. But, it’ll still be fun. Here, come help me clean the bowls out.” TJ and Cyrus spent the rest of the night preparing the muffins for baking. When it came time to put the muffins in the oven, Cyrus had completely forgotten that that was something he was afraid of. After he left, TJ started to clean up the powder that was everywhere, a residual smile left on his face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, for today I decided to write a short half chapter! You can think of this as chapter 1.5. This honestly should've just been with the last chapter, but ya girl was lazy, so I'm posting it now. I hope you enjoyed! My tumblr is @tjthekippen if you want to follow ;)


	3. somebody special

It was a Friday morning, and Cyrus was already being pressured to do something he desperately wanted to avoid. Sitting in The Spoon across from Buffy and Andi, he was being talked into going to a waterpark with them. “Cyrus, you have to come. It’s the last time we’ll be able to see each other this summer, and it’ll be so much fun!” Buffy looked at him with a pleading face, and when he didn’t budge, she turned to Andi. “please help?”

Andi thought for a second, and insisted, “Cyrus, please? Is there any way we can get you to come?”    


“Yeah, it’s just a waterpark. You don’t have to do anything crazy, and we can get ice cream!” He thought about their proposal and considered who he’d bring along. Immediately he thought of TJ- for the sake of the list, of course- and what it’d be like to go on a waterslide with  _ him _ . He decided he liked the idea just fine. 

“Okay, I’ll go, if I can bring TJ.” The two of them looked over at each other, shrugged, and turned back to him. “Sure, I’m fine with that,” Buffy replied. “Make sure he’s fine with Tomorrow. We already bought the tickets.” She said it with a look in her eye that implied something mischievous, but he wasn’t quite sure what she was implying.

“Of course you did. Anyways, I have to go. My mom told me to be at the house by noon. Back to school shopping.” he raised his hands in unenthusiastic jazz hands, already dreading going back. Andi supportingly patted his shoulder, and consoled, “aw, good luck, I’m sure it’ll be fine.”

“Hopefully. Bye guys, I love you!” He walked out of The Spoon, phone already in hand, ready to call TJ. While he hadn’t been lying about needing to leave, he left a good ten minutes before he needed to. He just wanted to call TJ as soon as he could. 

He didn’t hesitate when he dialed the number in and pressed call. “Hey! Are you free tomorrow?” Cyrus bit his lip as he walked across a street, hoping that he was available.

A pause, a small noise coming from the line, and a response: “Definitely, what are you thinking of doing?”

“Well, Buffy and Andi are dragging me to a waterpark, and since it's on the list, I thought you might want to come too.” TJ didn’t respond for a second. “With Buffy and Andi?” 

“Uh, yeah? Is there a problem with them being there?” Cyrus knew that it wouldn’t be a problem, but he was curious about his hesitation. He couldn't help but wonder why he was caught up on the fact that Andi and Buffy would be there. “no no, there’s no problem. I’m definitely in. When are we leaving?” 

“Probably sometime in the morning, I can text you. Buffy’s gonna drive us” Because she was 18, she was able to drive as many people as she wanted, so she usually drove them. 

He could almost hear TJ’s smile as he responded “great, I’ll text you when I’m good to go. See you tomorrow, Cy!”    
  
“Bye!” He hung up after responding, a smile still left on his face. 

-

Standing at the end of the line for one of the more mellow slides, TJ was trying to comfort Cyrus who was visibly panicked. “Cyrus, it’ll be fun! Just don’t think about it. I’ll go down with you.” 

“Yeah, you’re right, okay, I’m sure it’ll be fine. I mean, this is the point of the list, right? These things should get easier.” He smiled at him encouragingly, proud of him for taking the initiative to do this. “And besides, it helps that I’m doing it with you.”    
  
That caught him unguarded. “Really? Well, I’m glad that I can help.” For a moment, they stood there, taking in the sounds and sights of the waterpark. They were comfortable just standing in each others company, not saying a word. 

And then Andi and Buffy cut the line to catch up to them. When they arrived, Cyrus looked mildly irked. “Where the heck did you guys go? And are you even allowed to cut the line like that?” He said the last part under his breath as if speaking it into existence would get them in trouble.

Buffy pushed her sunglasses out of her eyes and reassured, “Relax, it’s fine, no one’s paying attention to us.” Andi nodded in agreement, and added on, “We were in a pretty long line, it took us a while to get back here.” TJ and Cyrus made eye contact, both wondering how long the line really was. But they decided to not question it. 

Buffy turned her attention on him and “Hey TJ, why did you gel your hair up? It’s gonna get wet anyway, why not just leave it natural?” He shrugged, a slight blush forming. “I don’t know, habit I guess?” 

“You should wear it naturally sometime,” Cyrus spoke up, looking in his eye. He shrugged, and continued, “It could be cute, you know.” TJ blinked, prayed he wasn’t completely red, and countered, “Hmm, maybe, but not as cute as your hair. You could cut it short, maybe on the sides?”    
  
He reached out and ruffled his hair, messing it up, even though it was damp from swimming earlier. Knocking his hand away from his hair, he remarked, “I’m not cool enough to shave my sides. You could definitely do it, though. Maybe even get an undercut.” 

“I’ve thought about it, and I might. I guess I’m just apprehensive” 

“Do we have to make a list for you too? Cause-” Cyrus was cut off by a loud laugh, coming from a girl a few paces ahead of them in the line. “I can’t believe you only came in the line to videotape me going down!” 

He chuckled, holding his phone away from her grasp. She was reaching for it, for what he wasn’t sure of, maybe she thought she could hide it from him. “Come on, it’ll be  _ adorable _ . I’ll let you get a video of me going down one later, how about that?”

She pushed her hair behind her ear and grinned up at the boy. “You really think it’d be adorable?”   
  
“Yeah, I can picture it right now; you regretting it the moment you go down, screaming as loud as you did when we came here for Halloween.” She giggled softly and hit him in the chest. “Shut up, Kal. At least let me delete it if it’s bad?”   
  
“Sure, okay. If it’s bad I’ll delete it. But, I still stand with my original statement. I’m sure you’re going to be adorable.”    
  
They walked up the line, far enough for TJ to not understand them well anymore. He was feeling some strong emotion, but he couldn’t quite pin it down. 

He looked back at Cyrus and the others and found them deep in conversation. They hadn’t even noticed the couple that TJ was so enthralled by. 

A few minutes later, they were on the steps leading up to the platform that held the drop off for the slide. The girl that he was looking at earlier was there, about to go down. She said something to the boy, Kal he assumed, and they laughed. 

As soon as she went down she screamed, and he was laughing. He looked like he wouldn’t want to be there with anyone else. As he passed him with a small “excuse me”, a smile still left on his face, he realized what emotion he was feeling. Jealousy.

He wanted that; someone to laugh with, someone that cared enough to want to document something as trivial as him going down a slide. Someone that, when everyone saw, knew that they were in love with him. 

Turning around to see Cyrus laughing at something Buffy said, he contemplated what the past few days meant to him. He was calmer, livelier,  _ happier _ . He certainly had been blushing more than he ever had in the past. 

There was definitely a connection between the two emotions; jealousy and glee, envy and contentment. As much as he wanted what they had, he wasn’t sure if he was ready to draw the bridge between the two feelings. 

“You ready TJ?” Cyrus looked at him expectantly, as they were about to be loaded onto the tube he had been carrying. “Oh, definitely. Why’d you ask?”

“Nothing, you just seemed distant. Anyways, I’m ready. I think it’ll be fun.”    
  
“Oh, really? What brought upon this change of heart? I thought we were doing this cause of the list”    
  
“I may be scared of the slide, but I’m doing it with you. That makes it okay somehow.” His stomach flipped, somehow going warm and frozen at the same time. “Oh? Really?”   
  
“Yeah, really. Now get up on the platform, it’s our turn!” the boy grabbed his hand and walked him up, and his mind short-circuited. He’d be lying if he said he remembered the ride down because the only thing he was focusing on was the feeling of the hand still left in his. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys, I am so so sorry that this took forever for me to write! I guess I just got ahead of myself, I have a lot of things I'm working on, but I promise I haven't forgotten about this fic! I'm determined to finish it. I really hope you like it !! I killed my friend so,, hopefully her reaction is the general one :p 
> 
> Let me know what you thought of the chapter in the comments! If you want to follow me on tumblr my acc is @tjthekippen !


	4. yours to keep

It was only the first day of school and Cyrus knew he was screwed. All four of his parents were on a schedule that meant they couldn't drive him to school on Mondays and Tuesdays, and there was no way he was going to ride the bus, so he resorted to walking. The only problem with that was that it was a mile long walk, the weather was still extremely hot, and he was in no way, shape, or form athletic. 

So, there he was; Monday morning, seven o'clock, sweating his heart off while only five minutes into his walk. He had plenty of time to make it there, but that didn’t make up for the fact that he’d have to do this for many months to come. 

He was about to give up and walk back to the bus stop, but a car pulled up next to him. His eyes widened when he realized the one driving was TJ. 

He looked inside their window and saw TJ motioning for his sister, Amber, to roll the window down. As soon as she did, TJ asked him “Hey, why are you walking?” 

“Well, all of my parents are working right now, and they have to go in early, so I don’t have a ride from them. And I ruled out the bus as soon as I hit freshman year, so, I have to walk.”

TJ looked at him funny and said “You know you could’ve just asked me, right? I can drive you, here.” He unlocked his car and motioned for him to come in. “Aw TJ, you don’t have to do that for me. I’ll be fine, I promise.” 

“No, I want to. Come in.” He seemed persistent, and Cyrus would’ve been lying if he said he didn’t want to go in, so he took the plunge and got in the car. As soon as the air conditioning hit he breathed a sigh of content, glad to be out of the heat. “Thank you so much for driving me, it means a lot.”    
  
“It’s no problem dude, you can ask for a ride whenever. Why were you walking, anyway?” Cyrus rolled his eyes as TJ started to drive again. “Because, my parents can’t take me to school on Mondays and Tuesdays, and there’s no way I’m riding the bus.” 

“Why not? The bus isn’t too awful.”   
  
“Says the guy that can drive himself.”   
  
“True, true.” TJ focused on driving for a second, then remarked, “you know, we’re actually in a lot of classes together this year. I’m a little excited.”    
  
“Oh, only by a little bit? Dang Kippen, I thought you’d be more enthusiastic about getting to see me every day.” Cyrus hadn’t realized it until just then, but he  _ would _ be seeing TJ every day. He’d maybe even sit next to him in math class. It was a huge upgrade from last year; they weren’t even in the same lunch block. 

They had grown a lot closer over the summer, even though they were with the others most of the time they hung out. He was looking forward to getting to know TJ away from the others, as it was a rarity. 

“Oh, I’m ecstatic. I can’t wait to see your cute little face every day in math, then lunch, then pe. I truly have been blessed.” Amber cut in, grimacing. “Come on guys, get a room.”   
  
“Nice to see you too, Amber. Glad you missed me.” Everyone laughed, enjoying each others company. TJ eventually pulled into the school parking lot, and they all exited the car. Amber immediately said “see ya later,” and left the two of them alone.    
  
“I guess she has better places to be,” TJ said while watching her walk away. “Amber has said a total of two sentences to me this school year, and both of them have to do with me leaving her vicinity. She hasn’t changed at all.” 

“Tea.” The two of them started to walk towards the building. Cyrus realized that he technically didn’t have to leave TJ; they both shared the same first period, math. “So, I guess you’re stuck with me for another hour, huh?”    
  
TJ looked over at him and smiled. “Yeah, I guess so. You’re the one that’s gonna be suffering, though. You’re gonna be spammed with math questions constantly.” He lightly hit him on the arm, and questioned, “You do know I don’t mind helping you, right? If you ever need help, I’ll be right there next to you.” 

TJ tensed up a bit at first, but quickly gained his composure, and smoothly replied “Oh? Planning on sitting next to me?” Cyrus smirked. He knew what TJ expected him to say, but he also knew that TJ was just messing with him. It was this supposed knowledge that led him to say “Only because I know you wouldn’t have it any other way.” 

“True, true. What would I do if I couldn’t look over at your paper when I needed the answer?” He burst out into laughter and hit him on the arm, failing to notice the small blush creeping up on TJ. “You’re friends with me for more than my math skills, shush.”   
  
“No, actually, did I not tell you? The only reason I’ve been your friend for years is for your math skills! Now I have to friend-break-up with you, why’d you have to find out my secret?” Cyrus grinned and countered “Not if I do it first. I’m deeply hurt, you know.”   
  
He opened the door for the other and proclaimed “No, I take it back, don’t leave me! I promise I’m staying for more than your math skills.” 

 

“Okay, fine, I’ll stay. I might even help you with your homework if you need me to.” TJ started to walk away   from him in order to go to his locker, but before he left him, he responded, “And that’s why I love you.” He wasn’t quite sure how he meant it.

 

\--

 

Cyrus was sitting with his friends at their usual table, listening to their conversation. He was happy to be with friends. For a while, he sat there quietly, adding on when needed. But when he looked over at TJ, who was surprisingly quiet, he was reminded of an idea he had.    
  


“So, I was thinking. You, me, everyone else. Movie marathon.” Cyrus leaned in, anticipating the answer. He knew it didn’t have anything to do with their deal, but the image popped into his head in math, and he wanted to make it a reality. 

  
The boy in front of him didn’t respond, so he nudged his arm to get his attention.TJ looked up from his food, a look of shock on his face, almost like he was surprised that he was talking to him. “Yeah, sure. Friday maybe?” He smiled, glad to see that he was on board.    
  
“Definitely, that way if people need to stay over they can. Do you wanna ask the others?” TJ glanced over at the rest of their friends, mouth open, hesitant. “Don’t you think we should let them finish their conversation?” 

“Oh, uh, probably.” For a few minutes, they talked to each other, ignoring the rest of the cafeteria. They talked for a while, up until Buffy joined in. “Are you guys doing anything this weekend?”   
  
“Actually, we were wondering if you guys wanted to have a movie marathon Friday?” She raised her eyebrows, and answered, “Sure, I can. Everyone else probably can too.”   
  
TJ smiled. “Great! I’m excited. Your house, right?” Cyrus nodded, making eye contact. “So,” Buffy started. “You guys sure have been making a lot of plans recently, huh?”   
  
“Uh, what do you mean?”   
  
“I don’t know, just an observation.” Cyrus shifted his focus over to TJ, who had a strange look on his face. He raised his eyebrows, shrugged, and suggested, “Should we tell her?”    
  
He shrugged back and answered, “Sure, I don’t see why not.” After watching the short exchange, Buffy’s mouth was open partly, shocked. “Don’t tell me you’re-”    
  
“We’re what?”    
  
“Uh, nothing. Continue.”

“So, you remember my list, right?” She blinked, confused. “Your _ what _ ? How does that have anything to do with this?”    
  
“Just, okay. So maybe a week or two ago, it was just me and TJ at the spoon, and the list came up. He offered to help me go through it, cross things off.” Buffy looked between the two of them, trying to make sense of the new information.    
  
“Andi, are you hearing this?” She suddenly turned to face them, eyebrows raised. “Hearing what?”   
  
“TJ and Cyrus are going through his list together.” Andi’s eyes widened. She asked, “Is that why you agreed to go to the waterpark?” Cyrus nodded his head slowly. Buffy looked over at Andi, an incredulous look on her face. “And  _ that’s  _ why you invited TJ.” 

 

“Uh, yeah?” Cyrus looked over at TJ. He looked like he was about to burst out in laughter, and he probably looked the same. Andi cleared her throat. “Okay, so uh, good to know. So, we’re watching movies on Friday? I’m down.”    
  
Buffy grinned. “Great! Just the four of us, or?”    
  
“Umm, I can see if Jonah or Marty wants to come?” TJ shrugged and spoke for the first time in a while, saying “Sure, why not.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Le sigh why did I decide to name the chapters, I never know what to choose. anyways uhh sorrY this is late, updates might be a bit slow till the new years bc I'm traveling. But I'm trying!! I'm definitely gonna have one more update this year, fingers crossed for two. I really really want to finish this fic, especially bc I have a second one planned!! Anyways, thank you so so much for reading, I hope you enjoyed!


	5. shades of purple

A knock on his door, a quick hello, and the sound of a car whirring to life as it left signaled the start of TJ’s not-date. When Cyrus had asked him over for a movie marathon, he didn’t expect him to immediately invite Buffy and Andi as well. Not that he didn’t love the two of them, and not that he was expecting that it’d be a date, he just liked spending time alone with Cyrus. 

He walked into the familiar living room, took his shoes off, and turned to face him. He looked pleasantly surprised, as TJ was supposed to come an hour later. He may or may not have blown off practice to spend an extra hour with him. He wasn’t sure if he was happy about his decision, or if he hated himself for it. Cyrus spoke up, asking “hey, what are you doing here so early?” 

“Practice was canceled, and I didn’t have anything else to do, so I thought I’d come over early. Is that okay, or should I go?” He suddenly felt bad as he hadn’t thought of how Cyrus might’ve been busy. Thankfully, he wasn’t. “No no, it’s fine, I was just surprised. I’m happy, though. To see you.” 

He wasn’t sure if it was embarrassing, endearing, or just plain annoying that something as small as Cyrus being happy to see him made him blush. He had only just started to like him and he was already a mess when he said something nice. Over the past few days, he had replayed that couple from the water parks actions, and how they made him jealous, and he realized he was smitten for the boy standing right in front of him. 

“Hey, um, can I actually talk to you about something? I was gonna do it after the movies, but I guess it’ll be better if we’re alone.” Cyrus looked nervous, almost like he was going to tell him something that might make him angry. He couldn’t guess what it was for the world, but he knew he’d never be mad at Cyrus. “Yeah, sure, what’s up?”

“We should go up to my room if you’re okay with that?” TJ nodded and followed him as he started to walk up the stairs. He noticed his hands were shaking. He wanted nothing more than to reach out and grab his hand to calm him. 

They sat down in his room, Cyrus on his bed, TJ in a chair. He made eye contact with Cyrus and tried to give him a look that showed that he was there for him. He wasn’t quite sure if it conveyed the message he was trying to give. 

“So, one of the things on my list is a little more personal. I’ve told a few parents, like my parents and Andi and Buffy, but I’ve wanted to tell you for a while. I guess now is a good time to do it?” He was now looking everywhere but at him, hands squirming in his lap. He reassured “It’s okay Cyrus, I’m here for you. Tell me whenever you’re ready.” 

“I’m gay.”

He said it quickly, like ripping off a band-aid, and once he did, it was like the whole world stopped. He was at a loss for words, made speechless by his bravery. After hesitating for a few seconds, he got out of the chair and hugged Cyrus. He slowly felt arms wrap around him, and he noticed that he had finally stopped shaking, “Cyrus, I am so proud of you. Thank you for telling me.” 

TJ waited for Cyrus to pull back, and it surprisingly took him a few seconds to let go of him. When he saw his face again, he looked infinitely more relieved. “Yeah, um, I’ve wanted to tell you for a really long time. That’s kinda the reason I didn’t want to send the list to you. Those two things.” he blinked, suddenly curious. “Two?” He was intrigued by the second thing; was it related to coming out? 

“Coming out to everyone and telling Jonah that I used to like him.” oh. Oh. “Wow, I didn’t know you liked Jonah.” He smiled sheepishly. “Yeah, it was a while ago. I definitely don’t anymore.”

“Ah, okay.” butterflies coursed through his stomach, taking flight and landing in his heart. He could like me back. “So, are you gonna do it?”

“Do what?”

“Come out to Jonah.” Cyrus looked down at his hands, nervous again. “Yeah, I mean, it’s on the list, too. It’ll be a bit nerve wracking, but,” he looked him in the eye again, and finished, “I honestly think I’m ready because of you.” The butterflies soared. 

“Cyrus, your bravery doesn’t come from me. You’re brave because you choose to be.” TJ thought about himself, how he was still apprehensive to tell Cyrus that he was gay. Maybe it was because of the crush, maybe it was that he still hadn’t fully accepted himself yet. Either way, he was scared to tell anyone. He knew he wanted Cyrus to be the first. 

“I know I’m brave on my own, but TJ, you inspire me. Just you being there for me, jumping at the chance to help me, has meant so so much. Knowing there’s someone there to catch me if I fall, to celebrate with me when I succeed, has made all of this so much easier.” 

“Cyrus.” For once in his life, TJ was truly at a loss for words. He was pretty sure he was about to cry. Everything that he had said, that TJ had been helping him that much, that he was able to be there for him, it meant so much to him. He hadn’t realized that he had actually started to cry until Cyrus looked concerned. “Oh my god TJ, are you okay?”

“No, yeah, I’m fine, I just, Cyrus.” He took a deep breath, simultaneously trying to force himself to spit the words out while shoving them down. “So, you know, there’s actually something I’ve been meaning to tell you too.” 

“Oh?” 

TJ pushed away his fears, hesitations, doubts, and worries. He was talking to Cyrus, the boy that had always been there for him no matter what. He knew he would accept and love him more than anyone else ever could. He made eye contact for the thousandth time that conversation, exhaled deeply, and stated, “I’m gay too.” 

“TJ,I’m,” now it was his turn to give him a crushing hug. As soon as the boy hugged him, he buried his head in the crook of his neck, and started to cry harder. He whispered, “God that was so hard.” Cyrus started to rub his back. 

“Yeah, I know. That’s why I’m so proud of you.” TJ lost his sense of time as the stood there, holding each other, both crying. TJ would never forget the way he felt in that moment; completely known, completely loved. It went unsaid, how much the both of them loved the other, but they knew. You don’t have to say I love you to say I love you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter?? was kind of hard to write?? but it means a lot to me, and im so glad i wrote it the way that i did. the song lyric at the end/the title is from the song for him. by troye sivan!


	6. what a heavenly way to die

Cyrus still wasn’t sure why TJ had come early, but he was immensely glad that he had. He always knew that he wanted to come out to the boy, but he was never sure when the right time was. There was something about that moment; the two of them in his room alone, the supportive look TJ was giving him, the way his beating heart slowed as each second passed. TJ always had a way to calm him down, even if the reason for being nervous was caused by TJ himself. 

He had spent hours thinking about the best way to word his coming out, but when the actual moment came up, he panicked and blurted it out. It wasn’t a perfect moment, but it was theirs, and that’s all that mattered. 

They had gone out to get snacks together, and as Cyrus looked over at TJ, he noticed that his eyes were still red from crying. He wasn’t expecting to cry himself, but as soon as TJ started, he knew he couldn’t keep the tears in. It ended up making the moment a lot more special for the both of them. 

TJ pulled up to 7-Eleven, and as soon as they had walked into the store, the two of them split up in order to get the snacks as fast as possible. Between six teenagers, they had a long list. Cyrus was in charge of getting the slurpees, as four of them had requested one. Between the floor being slippery and the machine being hard to manage, he was having a difficult time. 

It didn’t help that, when TJ came back to help him, he startled him from behind. All he had said was “hey,” but TJ knew what he was doing. It had the desired effect of making Cyrus jump and spin around, which led to the slurpee spilling all over his shirt, as he hadn’t put the top on. 

Once he realized what had happened he closed his eyes and looked up slowly, a guilty expression written all over his face. But when he saw the slurpee all over his shirt, spreading up to his face, a mix of shock and anger prevalent in his features, he burst out into laughter. 

Instead of saying something to him, TJ scooped some of the slurpee off of his shirt, and smeared it over Cyrus’s shirt. He suddenly stopped laughing and looked up at the boy, but as soon as they made eye contact, they both burst out into laughter. 

As soon as their laughter grew uncontrollable, they were kindly asked to leave the premises by the manager. They never quite stopped laughing as they climbed into TJs car. The other boy wiped his face off with some napkins, but it wasn’t very useful, as there was still slurpee everywhere. 

“Hold on, one sec.” Cyrus watched as he opened the trunk of his car and brought out two hoodies, perfectly clean. He tossed one to him, and he just stared at it in his hands. “Why’d you give me this?” 

“So you can change into it.” he shrugged, “your shirts a mess too, dude. Here just, I’m sure they’ll let us change in the bathroom.” Fortunately the workers didn’t argue as the two of them walked back into the store, hoodies in hand, with guilty faces. 

When Cyrus first slipped the hoodie on, he realized how big it was on him, and couldn’t help but blush. He liked it a lot; the fact that it was TJ’s hoodie contributed greatly to how much he liked it, but he pushed that thought to the back of his mind. 

They walked out of the store a final time, and as soon as they left the building, they started to snicker again. TJ grinned at him and said “You look nice in my hoodies, even though it is a bit too big on you.” 

Cyrus fake glared at him and said “Hey, that was unnecessary.” TJ just shrugged and got into his car, starting it immediately. He followed suit and got in the passenger seat, setting his dirty shirt on the floor. For the most part, their drive back was uneventful, but Cyrus would be lying if he said that his thoughts weren’t focused on the boy sitting next to him. 

-

After the rest of the group arrived, they settled on a movie, and started to watch. There were a few complaints about the fact that they never got snacks, but TJ and Cyrus told them the story, and they all understood. Buffy was eyeing his hoodie, which made him blush slightly. Was it really a big deal?

The movie that they chose was a horror movie; TJ insisted that, because of the list, it had to be horror. Cyrus wanted to protest, but he had a way of getting him to go on his side. As the movie went on, he started to get scared. TJ must have sensed that he was nervous, because half way through, he tapped his shoulder and held his arms wide open.

Cyrus raised his eyebrow, uncertain as to what he wanted. Was he just gonna give him a hug, or did he want to cuddle, or? TJ didn’t say anything; he just raised his own eyebrows and waited. Slowly, Cyrus leaned back into him, head resting on his shoulder, and TJ swung his legs up onto the couch and wrapped his arms around the boy. 

They were both lying diagonally on the couch, leaning back on the side of the couch, propped up by a pillow. Cyrus put his blanket on top of the two of them. As much as he didn’t want to admit it, he knew his face was burning up, and he was grateful that TJ couldn’t see his face. 

He whispered “thank you,” for only TJ to hear, and shifted a tad bit so he could see the screen better. He wondered if the others noticed the two of them, but he realized they were a bit too busy themselves to notice. 

Andi and Buffy were curled up in their own blanket, somehow closer to each other than TJ was to Cyrus. Marty and Jonah were looking down at their phones, occasionally looking over at the other boy. He could tell that they were texting each other. He slightly rose his eyebrows, taking the new information in. 

For the rest of the movie, Cyrus couldn’t quite focus on what was going on; his mind was stuck on TJ only. The memory of them coming out, the hoodie, the fact that he was still being held by TJ; he wasn’t sure what to make of it all.He tried to ignore his beating heart, but that started to grow more and more impossible. 

-

After a while, the movie ended and everyone but TJ let out a breath of relief. Still encased in the arms of the one person he needed to be far away from, Cyrus asked “Do you guys wanna watch something else? To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before, maybe?” Instantaneously, there were multiple yesses. Jonah got up to change the movie, as Netflix was already up. 

Cyrus was expecting TJ to ask him to get up, as the scary movie was over, but he didn’t budge or say anything. A few minutes into the movie he rested his head on top of Cyrus’s, and when he did that, his breathing ceased. He tried to get it out of his head and focus on the movie, but he failed himself. It felt like TJ would always be at the forefront of his mind. 

As Cyrus watched Laura Jean and Peter sign the contract, he couldn’t help but think back to the day where TJ offered to go through the list with him. There wasn’t a kiss, and there wasn’t a document, but there was an agreement, and Cyrus couldn’t get the way he looked out of his mind. 

Sure, the two situations weren’t the same thing by a long shot, but there were a few striking similarities that he couldn’t shake. Laura Jean didn’t like Peter at the time, but she still agreed to fake date him. TJ didn’t like Cyrus, but he still agreed to go on practical dates with him. 

He slightly shook his head, clearing the thoughts out of his conscious. They were not dates, and Cyrus did not want them to be dating. Most of the times they had hung out because of the agreement were with other people, anyways. Other than the baking, at least. Suddenly, he started to think back to that night; the fight with the flour, the way he ruffled it into his hair, the picture they took…

Sighing, he closed his eyes, and chided himself for getting stuck on the past. Specifically the past with TJ. As soon as he sighed, TJ leaned down a bit, and whispered near his ear “You okay?” It took everything in him not to flinch. All he could do in response was quietly mumble “Mhm,” and hope he heard. 

It was easy to assume that he had, as he suddenly pulled his head up, lifted his arm that was wrapped around him, and ruffled his hair, presumably with a smile on his face. Cyrus felt his stomach flip slightly, his heartbeat becoming more prevalent. He hoped TJ didn’t notice.

Throughout the rest of the movie Cyrus kept slipping in and out of focus, thoughts constantly being pulled back to TJ. He tried to ignore his thoughts, but unfortunately they wouldn’t escape him, as watching the scenes fly by only reminded him of the boy. 

It came to a point where the movie was coming to a close. There appeared to be a kiss scene, as romance movies tended to have them, and Cyrus focused intently on it. As he watched the two lean in gradually, an agonizing tension surrounding them, he couldn’t help but imagine TJ leaning in ever so slowly, inches away from his face, seconds away from their lips brushing, the moment filled with anticipation-

Reality snapped back, and Cyrus pushed the image out of his mind. He knew it would never happen, but he knew he wanted it to happen, and his heart ached when he finally came to that conclusion. He had spent so long trying to push TJ out of his mind that once he finally accepted him in, thousands of different feelings rushed into him. He could only dream of an ending like Laura Jean’s; a kiss, two beating hearts, and the world ahead of them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR 1K IM?? THANK YOU?? i never expected anyone to read this, so the fact that like,, people are is blowing me away, thank you so so much! i'm sorry that this update took s o long, i've been,, slacking a bit with writing, but I hope that that'll change with this month. thank you for reading!


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